Being in relationship with anyone can be hard - no matter if that relationship is platonic, romantic, familial, etc. No one can read your mind, especially your romantic/sexual partners! Being able to communicate what you need and want to make your relationships fulfilling and satisfying to you is a skill that needs continual practice. If you have been hesitating, this is your sign to communicate with your partner(s) about what you need, want, and desire in your relationships.
To have fulfilling and successful relationships, you need to be able to share what helps you feel connected to others - and what creates disconnection for you. This can take practice, and asking for what you want and need can be SCARY! Many of us grew up in households or cultures that encouraged us not to share what was going on in our internal world. However, now is the time to make a shift, step by step. Start small, and maybe communicate what you’d like to eat for dinner that night, or be firm (but gentle!) about what kind of movie you want to watch with your partners.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable, and share with your partner(s) how nervous you are. Creating a space of honesty and vulnerability helps your partners join you in this conversation.
Also, ask your partner(s) what they want and need in relationship. Then, you can all work together to figure out how you can show up for each other.
And remember - THIS IS AN ONGOING CONVERSATION.
Have this conversation over and over. Your and your partners’ wants/needs/desires change over time, and that is normal and encouraged! Continue to check in with yourself and your partner(s), and continue to co-create a space where you can have these conversations, no matter how difficult.
And remember - no one will be able to meet your every need. Asking for what you want and communicating what would help you be fulfilled in your relationship is not a guarantee that these needs will be met - and with some reflection, maybe you will realize that some are needs and others are wants! Communicating begins the conversation and allows for deeper connection.
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