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Are You"Setting The Table" For Sex?

In the media, sex is portrayed as happening simply because you and your partner exchanged a flirty look across the living room which magically led to you both naked on the couch. In reality, that's not how it happens. Most couples are juggling a myriad of responsibilities, from co-parenting, full-time careers, maintaining their own mental health, and keeping up with friends and family. Soon enough, these commitments begin to outweigh any time spent connecting romantically or physically with our partners... and sex dwindles to "sometimes" or "never." So, how do we co-create an environment where sex thrives?

There are a lot of different answers to that question, but today I want to focus on specifically the environment in which intimacy thrives. I like to think of sex as having a really nice meal in your home (whether you share it with your partner or not). Stay with me on this metaphor - how do you prepare for a really special meal? You probably think about the menu ahead of time, discuss it with your partner at length, and go shopping for ingredients. You might take out the "good" dishes, use cloth napkins instead of paper towels, and make sure to have a nice beverage to go with your meal. It takes a lot of intention, prep, and anticipation to create just the right environment, doesn't it? Now imagine that instead of preparing for a nice meal, you're "setting the table" with that seem intentionality for sex. How does that change the way you're approaching connecting with your partner? And how are you "setting the table" for sex?

If you're wondering how to "set the table" for intimacy with your partner, I have some ideas. "Setting the table" is all about co-creating an environment where intimacy and connection is possible and celebrated. Firstly that means making actual, intentional time and space for intimacy to happen - it doesn't mean hoping that sex will come "spontaneously" or in your 10 minutes of free time before going to sleep. Just like with a meal, I want you to plan with your partner when would work for them to connect and maybe even put it in the calendar! Creating an environment for intimacy - "setting the table" - can include sending flirty texts throughout the week, working on your own mental health and appearance/grooming (to what makes you feel good, not to any rigid beauty standards or your partner's idealized standards), and/or lighting candles, putting on soft music, and having fresh sheets on the bed.

"Setting the table" for intimacy or sex can look different for every partnership, so have a discussion with your partner(s) about what works best for both of you - and then enjoy the fruits of your labor!

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